today...

The ushering in of the new year wasn't a big one for me this year. Actually, it never really is. Usually I stay home and sleep on New Year's Eve. I suppose I get really emo towards the end of the year reflecting on what's been happening throughout the year. The coming of 2009 was just another day - literally.

I've got a lot on my mind for 2009. Every year, I foresee a 'phase' that I'm going to be put through in that year and the lessons that God wants to teach me. Usually the lessons are very clear cut. For a period, I will learn about patience, for another to trust in God etc. If we speak about recently, 2007 was finding friends, 2008 was establishing myself and 2009 I think will be a time for growth and perseverance in a lot of areas of my life.

Growth in my personal walk with God, growth in friendships, growth in leadership, personal growth, growth in the workplace and career and perseverance in all these things. Every year, I can sort of foresee what the year is generally going to take, and take out of me. This year, I just know it's going to be a really rough and challenging year in many ways because there are just a lot of things going on and this year, I believe there are going to be a lot of changes as well in my life. Changes for the better.

I'm anxious how this year is going to be because as much as you plan things out, things may never work out how you planned, and I don't like to fail. I know I'm being very vague about everything I'm saying - it's because I don't want to share specifically this struggle that I'm having or will be having because I know the nature of this very "thing" - but I know that this "thing" is going to take a lot out of me this year. It's going to take a lot of energy and strength - and I guess, in the end the lesson out of it all will be to constantly refresh your spirit in Him and rely on Him for all your needs.

So 2009 isn't really a fresh new start as it has been every other year. It's not really a year to kick bad habits and lose weight and all the other kind of new year's resolutions that everyone makes. It's more like - this is the way I've been living for years and this is the year that He is demanding my undivided attention. To just get over what has happened in the past, move on and keep looking forward. There's no use looking back now.

I feel like God has really been speaking to me the past few days. Several times over, the same message is getting through. I won't say what it is, but I know what to do. To know what to do is one thing, to do that thing with might and perserverance is another thing - and that is also another struggle that I have. I know what God wants me to do. I know what I have to do. The bottom line is - I have to do it.

Reading through all that - what a vague post! Good thing you have no clue what I'm talking about or you only have the vaguest idea what I'm on about. It's deeper than that. Please pray for me. =)

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