today...

James 1:5-8 says,
5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

For years, I've always had self-doubt, low self-esteem and low confidence. I don't know what that stems from... my up bringing? Anyhow, I'm not passing the blame on anyone or anything that had previously happened to me. That's just the way I am.

This self doubt had always caused me to double mind myself and not feel confident in my decision making ability. I realised that my sister and my cousin are similar. We all have difficulty making decisions. What do you want to eat? Where do you want to go? Which colour do you want? (Of course, I always go for the green!) There are petty decisions in life to be made, and there are bigger decisions in life to make such as where to go on holiday and what to do on your holiday? Should I buy a house now or later?

For the life of me, I never feel confident about the decisions I make. I make a decision, and then double mind myself. Did I make the right decision? Could have it been better? Should we have done this instead? This double minded attitude can cause me so much stress and grief at times that it can be excruciating, stealing my peace and joy. But I was reading in one of Joyce Meyer's book about self doubt. We are to claim God's word with confidence and believe His word over what our feelings or mind tells us. John 16:24 says, ask and you will recieve, and your joy will be complete. If we feel unworthy to ask God of something, we probably won't ask, and even if we do ask, we won't receive it by faith. The self doubt will always stand between you and the best that God has for you. The "receiving by faith" part is the part where we have to "walk by faith and not by sight." God has planned victory for his children and we are to hold onto His promises which are true. If God is for us, who can be against us?

I have learnt that when you make a decision, you have to believe it was the best decision you made at that point in time. God cannot answer the prayers of a double minded person. God responds to our faith, not our fears; and self doubt is fear that negative things will happen, but faith expects good things to take place. We must learn to live in victory because He has already won the battle for us. In Hebrews 10:38 it says, the just shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him. By shrinking in fear, we are living below the confident life He gave us through Jesus.

And the final closing verse, I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, you can say to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and it will be done. Matthew 21:21 We only need faith as small as a mustard seed to move mountains amen?

♥ weiwei

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